Back when I was a kid, I never imagined what my ideal wedding would look like. I never watched in awe at shows or TV or even real wedding I went to thinking watching the bride in her glorious gown walk down the isle thinking, “wow, one day this will be me.” Even though my parents are happily married and I had a strong example of what a marriage should look like, I simply never glorified it they way others did (or seemed to, anyway).
Now that I’m almost 24, two years out of college, it seems as if everyone I know is now taking that step into marriage. Even though it doesn’t seem weird to me, seeing as my parents got married at 24 and 29, it’s still an act that I don’t see myself doing anytime soon.
I think back to the days of my grandparents. My maternal grandmother told her she was 21 when she got married and her and my PopPop had never even lived together before that. Of course, that was normal back then, right? Wasn’t it normal to be married off in your twenties and start raising a family? I remember being in high school at the beach with my friend and her family. With us also was a close family friend of theirs and her husbands and kids as well. I remember sitting in the kitchen, sun burnt and sandy, listening to her talk about how her life plan had worked out. She wanted to be married and 22 and have kids at 24. And she did! Which is great if that was her life path, but, even being 16 at the time, I realized that six years to find and marry someone that I would want to be with for the rest of my life seemed…a little daunting.
For a long time, marriage to me meant forever. A secret agreement between two people that they would never give up on each other. Of course, it doesn’t always happen like that. Now I know it means being able to live with a person long enough that you fall in love with their real selves, and hope they fall in love with your real self too. It’s about talking through problems and making one another a better person. I feel like, in the four years we’ve been together, my partner has helped me realize what a long term relationship means. Even though we’ve spoken about getting married, we have decided it’s not time right now to do it. It’s not that my partner is afraid at the concept of marriage — he just does not want to rush into it.
And here’s the best part.
He wants me to find a career and be doing something I love. We have an age difference of about 8 years, meaning he’s in his early 30s while I’m not even in my mid twenties. He realizes that I still haven’t done all I’ve wanted to do after college and respects my decisions when looking for a job I want to do. After I graduated from college I thought I would find my dream job right away, and got a rude (albeit necessary) wake up call that that does NOT happen. You have to work your way through positions you don’t want to make money and pay rent and bills and live a life that you do want.
Perhaps the people I see all over social media that I knew in high school getting married are at points in their lives where they’re ready, and that’s fine. Maybe they have great jobs and are making six figure salaries or have wealthy parents who pay their rent. It could be that they just found their soulmate and didn’t want to wait any longer and being married was so important to them that for whatever reason they jumped in after one or two years of dating (I know dating doesn’t stop after marriage but my point is there).
Even if my partner and I never get married, I’ll know our love is strong if we stay together and continue having a relationship based on communication. If we do get married, that relationship won’t change. Either way, it doesn’t matter to me if I get a ring or not. Having someone to love is lucky enough, right? In a world where fear and loneliness seems to be multiplying, having something who will stand with you in the face of adversity is already a privilege — and I don’t plan to let it go to waste.